Personal Stories

Singing for Peggy and Her Caregivers Just After Death (Kate, Oct. 2001)

Peggy’s dear lifelong friend called me to ask if I’d see about arranging singing at Peggy’s bedside. I talked to Jill, Peggy’s goddaughter, visiting from Montana, who thought Peggy might like the singing. When I arrived a few days later at Peggy’s house in Berkeley, I had a lovely visit with Jill but, before she met me, Peggy decided that she was feeling unable to encounter any new people or experiences at that time. I assured Jill that my trip didn’t feel wasted and that if she changed her mind, I would be happy to return.

After the ensuing weekend, Jill called again, saying that Peggy’s dear women friends, some of whom had know her for over 80 years, and who were her primary caregivers had decided that they would like to do some singing, that Peggy was close to her death. I was happy to go for that purpose, grateful to be able to serve in this situation, called Claudia, and arrived at 2 pm. Peggy had died 4 hours earlier and was lying in bed in her lovely airy living room. Claudia and I sang for a half an hour while Jill, two friends and the hospice nurse lovingly and gently washed, oiled, and dressed Peggy’s body. The 7 of us in the room were performing the rituals women have observed for hundreds and thousands of years and it felt deeply satisfying. To support women as they prepared their friend who had lived a long and remarkable life for her next journey was what the Threshold Choir was called to do and we were very grateful to be present.

That we were actually unknown to Jill, Peggy, and the others seemed like one of the gifts of this experience. In the face of all that is horrible and wrong with our modern world, that strangers would show up to participate in such an intimate and personal ritual was helpful and comforting to Peggy’s friends and family. I was aware of this strongly for the first time. It’s an important piece of what we do in the Threshold Choir.

The additional gift of this experience was knowing that no visit to a potential client’s house is ever without value. Sometimes merely our willingness to show up is the gift. Actually being able to sing at someone’s bedside takes it over the top.